October always takes me back to the years of tiny costumes, foggy breaths in the cold, and the mad dash up and down our street with pillowcases that got heavier by the block. If you’ve ever hustled little superheroes and glittering princesses from porch to porch, you know the scene when you finally get home: the door barely clicks shut and they’re on the floor, sorting loot and plotting how to eat all of it tonight.
I learned early to build “speed bumps.” We’d count and trade, set a limit for the night, stash the rest, and spread the fun out over days. Not because candy is bad, but because too much, too fast usually ends the same way, upset stomachs and regrets.
Now my kids are adults, and they’re part of my estate plan. Believe it or not, I still use speed bumps. Not for candy anymore, but for inheritance. The idea is the same: slow things down a little so good decisions have time to show up.
Here’s why. When someone we love dies, especially when the second parent passes away, our hearts are raw. It’s incredibly common to try to soothe that ache by buying things: a trip that promises a reset, a car because it feels like taking control, a shopping spree because “life is short.” That doesn’t mean your kids or loved ones are bad with money. It means they’re human. Grief is confusing, and it can create a kind of fog where purchases feel like comfort and urgency. Six months later, many people look back and say, “I wish I had slowed down.”
A few years ago there was a study done by one of the big mutual funds. They wanted to see how long on average does an inheritance last. They looked at all types of situations. From people who received a little money to those who received significantly more. They found that on average, an inheritance lasts around 73 days. When I found this out, I nearly got sick. The thought of my family spending what took me a lifetime to save in just a couple of months was hard to comprehend. That’s why it’s so important to plan.
A thoughtful estate plan can build in that pause. Those same “speed bumps” that kept Halloween fun from turning into a sugar crash can keep an inheritance from turning into pressure or regret. In practice, speed bumps can look like:
- Staggered distributions – Instead of everything at once, your plan can send portions over time (for example, a piece right away for stability, then additional amounts at set ages or intervals).
- Cooling-off periods – A brief pause after passing before any large distributions, giving everyone room to grieve and think clearly.
- A steady “paycheck” from the trust – Monthly or quarterly payments that cover needs without overwhelming anyone during an emotional time.
- An “emergency lane” – Funds that are available for true needs—medical bills, housing, education—so important things aren’t delayed.
- Trusted co-pilots – Naming a trustee or co-trustee who can say, “Let’s take a breath,” and help your loved ones make decisions at a healthy pace.
- Purpose notes – A short letter from you explaining the why behind your choices. That simple message can feel like a warm hand on the shoulder when it’s needed most.
These speed bumps aren’t about control. They’re about care. They exist so that, in the hardest season, your legacy feels like peace—not pressure. They protect your loved ones from the emotional “sugar rush” of sudden money and give them time to make decisions that truly reflect their values (and yours).
If you already have an estate plan, the good news is that adding speed bumps usually doesn’t mean starting over. We can review what you have and adjust distributions, build in a cooling-off period, or add guidance for your trustee. If you don’t have a plan yet, we can design one that fits your family’s personalities and needs—keeping things flexible while still providing structure.
Back on those Halloween nights, my favorite moment came a day or two later, when one of the kids would find a saved treat and light up like it was brand new. That’s the power of pacing. Your legacy can feel like that—comfort and support that arrives at the right time, not just all at once.
Wishing you a safe, happy Halloween, and a plan that’s sweet, steady, and built to last.
Warmly,
Tim Jarvis
Attorney & Founder, Jarvis Law Office
P.S. If this got you thinking about adding a few “speed bumps” to your own plan, let’s have a conversation. A small adjustment now can make a world of difference later.
